We have spirit...

yes we do, we have spirit how bout you!?!?!?!?!? Cavs are taking it all the way baby!!!

Words Can't Describe..

Words cannot describe the wave of emotion that flows through every inch of your body as you drive into the cemetery where your children are buried, I couldn't help but think that from now on when we want to spend time with our children this is where we have to go...as I sat on the cold earth and clutched Scott's leg we both just sobbed and sobbed. As the tears streamed down our faces we took turns talking to our children and sharing what was our first Easter with our new family.

I couldn't help but think how much it sucked that most people got to spend Easter with their families today and to an extent even we did but at the end of the day our family wasn't all together, we wont ever be, there will always be 3 missing. It was very important to us that we stop by and talk to our kids today. It will always be important to me that they aren't alone on the holidays, god knows we would give anything to have them with us.

I guess up unto this point I haven't thought about how hard the holidays were going to be this first year and really for the rest of our lives. Holiday's bring about soo many different emotions as you go through the motions of the day, eating, drinking and laughing, I am numb and all that keeps repeating over and over in my head is "this isn't how it is supposed to be" and "I want our beans here".

Happy Easter babies, Mommy and Daddy love you so much and miss you with all of our being.

Love
Mommy

My Beautiful Niece

Ok, I had to steal this picture from my brother's blog because my niece is just so adorable. She has the chubbiest cheeks ever and I just want to munch on them!

I am very jealous because my family is heading down to San Antonio on Friday to visit my two brothers, their wives and my nieces. I don't get to go! :( I am 86 vacation time. Which totally sucks.

I am sending lots of hugs and kisses their way! We love you all so much!

Womb

This is one of my favorite pieces that was given to us by the hospital. They did a mold of the babies as they were in my womb prior to being born. This is one of those breathtaking pieces that I can hold and stare at for hours. As weird as it sounds I feel like I can still touch our babies by touching this. They are so real.

And although they were small it makes me smile to pick out features of Scott and I that I see in them. We make gorgeous babies that is for sure.

Hope Chest

This beautiful Hope Chest was built with so much love for Scott and I by our very good friend Tara. Although Tara doesn't think it is so perfect, I could not imagine buying anything like it from a store. This beautiful chest holds all of the memories we have of our children.

After we moved the chest up to the would have been babies room I took my time to place each item into this chest. I held each stuffed animal, blanket, book, u/s pictures and remnants from my bed rest days and just felt so many different feelings and emotions. It is still very hard for me to be in that room..that room held soo many hopes and dreams of our family that was finally being started and again it is empty.

With this Hope Chest we hope to pick up the pieces of 2009 and move forward, not move on but forward.

No One Will Ever Know

To: Amelia, Elijah and Addison

Many a lonely moment;

Often a silent tear;

But always a beautiful memory

of THREE who were so dear.

Their memory is our keepsake

From which we shall never part

God has them in His keeping.

We have them in our hearts,

Friends may think we have forgotten

When at times they see us smile,

Little do they know the heartache

That our smile hides all the while.

We mourn for them in silence,

No one can see us weep

But many silent tears are shed

While others are asleep.

God gave us strength to fight it

And courage to bear the blow,

But what it meant to lose them

NO ONE WILL EVER KNOW

Author Unknown

I found this poem and it brought tears to my eyes. I think it speaks volumes as to what Scott and I feel but can't explain...as each day passes we long for our children that cannot be here with us and because of that we will never be the same. There is comfort in knowing they are in Heaven with God but no place is better than here on earth in our arms.

Amelia, Eli and Addy - you are in our thoughts forever and in our hearts for always. Love, Mommy

Cleveland

Thanks to our good friend Tara, Scott and I were able to get away to one of our favorite places, Cleveland! Tara got us a nice little get away package which included a hotel room and tickets to a Cavs game Saturday night.

It was really nice to get away and just 'have fun'. The weather was great in C-Town, 64 degrees and cloudy but nice and warm. We grabbed some lunch and cocktails then walked around the not so great mall. Then we headed over to Corner Alley, a cool new bar/bowling alley. We grabbed some cocktails and bowled a few games. Downtown Cleveland is absolutely packed the night of games so all of the restaurants and bars were just over flowing with people. It's just a fun place to be!

The games was great! We won, thank god. We got to have our stadium hotdogs that I just love!

After the game we walked back to the hotel and grabbed some dessert and a few more cocktails before heading to bed, I mean before heading to the room to catch the Cavs highlights on Sports Center. :) Love you babes!