Father's Day

To my husband that I love more than words can ever express, Happy Father's Day. Amelia, Eli and Addy are lucky to have you as their Father. I know they wish they were here to make this day a happy one and not such a sad one.

It's such a weird day when you don't get to really celebrate the way you should..it's hard to find the words to explain how incredibly tough a day such as Father's Day is on someone who is 110% a Father but whose kids aren't here to show him that love with hugs and kisses.

Scott and I made our trip out to the grave site to visit our children. It's hard, so hard to go through the emotions we go through when we are there..there is so many tears and soo much pain. One of the hardest parts of all of this is the "if's", the if's of what we would be doing if the kids where here; if the kids were here we'd be out on the lake, hanging out with family, having a good time and most of all laughing..

As the months pass it is very hard to live for today and not think about all the things we should or would be doing if Amelia, Eli and Addy were still here with us..the mass ciaos that would be our life and knowing how badly we wish that was our life.

I ask that you please continue to keep us in your thoughts and prayers as we at times are still suffocated by the grief of losing our children. And although Scott and I have had a tough ride, there is no one in this world I would rather ride with..Scott, I love you with all of my heart.

Love
Michelle

The most beautiful sunset I have ever seen...

So I found this website, http://www.namesinthesand.blogspot.com/ and the wonderful couple that started the site lost their son and their story really touched my heart. You can read all about them on the blog. They started this tribute to their son and you can send them name requests and they go out at sunset and write your baby's names in the sand and then post the pictures on the blog for you to have for your own. If you would like to see our kids names on this blog you can search from them at the top of the blog...it's neat to see.

It's just a really, really beautiful thing to do for the so many people in this world that have the unfortunate knowing of this kind of grief, the loss of a child. When I read about their son Christian I cried and cried...to hear how she felt just hits home.

Back to my story..there was one..a while ago like March I found this site and I sent our kids names in to be written. For weeks I checked the blog anxiously awaiting them to show up...after 2 weeks or so they were there, I saw them for the first time at work and the tears were hard to stop. It's weird how things like this are now what bring me close to our children, since we cant physically hold them things like this make me feel completely surrounded by them.

After I got the pictures I came up with the idea of framing them and putting them up in our sun room and then painting a beautiful quote on the wall, something that is close to Scott, me and our babies. The hardest part of this idea was keeping it a SECRET for 3 months!?!?!? BUT I did it, Tara helped me get the room done last Saturday and I gave Scott his Father's Day gift from Amelia, Elijah and Addy. I think he really liked it...

I will post the pictures soon..it turned out great!